My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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