bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I still have a little drunk in my system
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I think my moral compass just broke
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
