my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
