You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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