She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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