i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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