she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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