Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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