So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
