i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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