Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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