Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he told me I talked like a deaf person
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
