is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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