If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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