Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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