You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My breasts were aching with rage.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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