So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
