Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
