Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
