I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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