that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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