i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Randomize
