I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
