No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My breasts were aching with rage.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
