how hairy? two words: wookie tits
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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