Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
