Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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