I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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