somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
