So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
