you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
