I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
