My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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