I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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