I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
