I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
