my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Terrible idea I love it
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
