ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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