if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
