It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
