If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm passing your future prison.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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