i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
