Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
operation harelip BJ is a go
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
