the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
