That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
