Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
