Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
