some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I got inside last night via doggy door
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
