we're blogging at a bar
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
