I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
