i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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