There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
